I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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