speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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