The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So squirting runs in the family.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
