I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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