shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Randomize
