TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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