p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
do nipples grow back?
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