Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
