like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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