we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Enjoy the penises
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
