bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
