I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
