i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
