We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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