my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
