just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sext me about skeletons
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
