I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
