Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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