...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
