just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You need a sexual gate keeper
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
