So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
