Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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