I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
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