I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
