Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
