I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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