you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
