My hand turned me down
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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