Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
This is my gift to your gina
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
