i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
