I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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