Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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