She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
