One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
MIDGETS
????
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
