I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
