the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
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