We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
