fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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