i jhust puked up my retainher.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
