Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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