Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
