I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
