My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
