I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
