I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
