Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
