I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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