I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
