dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
