You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Randomize
