Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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