if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
