: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
