I am spending my child support on dildos
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize