Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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