I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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