Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
