so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
