I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
