Is it because I queefed?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
