BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
