Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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