Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
