You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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