Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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