my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
