Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
