my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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