And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
