apparently the secret to your success is patron
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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