The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
