im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
