i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
