I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize